I’m laughing at my last post. I sound arrogant af hahaha. I’ll leave it for transparency sake though, because it was how I was feeling in that moment and felt the “desire” to post it. I will say, however, I don’t get a lotta bxtches. *blank stare into the camera*
Anyways, in today’s news….
Lately, Ive been dissecting the term “cool.”
When I honestly think of it, it’s so high school…and as previously stated in an older post, “eff high school” lol. I must admit, I don’t think I had it as bad as some may have, as far as bullying and all that. I definitely went through a lot of “losing” myself and was a pendeja in some other instances but it’ll sound good in my political campaign speech in future decades.. siike.
Everyone wanna be cool, but what does that even really mean?
Scientifically speaking, it’ll mean “less hot” but in street-cred terminology it could mean clout or unwillingness to attend school. I really hope my jokes can be picked up via keyboard otherwise I may have to consider getting a podcast. And we could only imagine how that’d turn out.
Life’s funny. Like everything works in polar opposites. Hear me out on this. We live to one day, die. Not necessarily the “objective” but definitely inevitable. And when we’re kids we often want to grow up to have more freedom and yada yada but when we age we miss the simplicity of being a child? As of late the concept of “everything is connected” has started to feel like an understatement. I should just take it for what it is, but as an idealist and recovering perfectionist sometimes I feed off the depth of feeling and fiend for more to go with it. Call me cheesy, but things are so much more “real” when we have deep rooted feelings attached with it. Fxck being a robot! I felt like a robot roughly for the last twelve months and I’m happy to say I think that curse is breaking its hold over me. Either that or I’m taking back my power but all in all, it’s liberating.
I think I’m retiring the desire to want to be “cool” too. Because Im starting to see that it really means too detached and I’m trying to be as grounded as possible. It’s honestly not even a compliment to hear that anymore unless it’s about your thrifted threads or something along those lines. I’m not even going to overthink it though. I guess now it’s more just the thought that I wouldn’t want my introverted tendencies to make me seem like a “boujie bish” and miss an opportunity to connect, but I think this is where I take the steps to put myself out there more and get out of my head. Plus at this point, it’s not really any of my business as to how people perceive me, but let’s be real, this may not be high school but we all still want to be “accepted” to an extent or at least..welcomed. Nonetheless, things are shifting. And the current feels powerful. *wave emoji*
If there’s one thing that I want to convey in my writing, it’s love. From my own personal perspective, I may not be all the way there quite yet, but I find beauty in this objective. Growing up I can’t really say it was something I often would “let off” and I’d like to change that. Once more, shout out to all people who have stuck around through my growth spurt, moody, in the distance, goofy a$$ tendencies. Tis appreciated. Lessons…and hip hop make the world go ’round.
Shall we dance?